Simon VS Lickety Split
By Trevor Lake and Robert Brown
Characters copyright their respective owners

Trevor: "Welcome, everyone, to our first fully televised fight in, well, 
ages!  Trevor along with Robert here, always good to be here.  Today, we have 
the debut of a promising young newcomer.  Step up, Rob."

Robert:  "From the children's show, 'Ants in Your Pants,' comes Lickety, a 
rather unusual monkey who is competing in his first televised fight.  
Opposite him will be one third of the band known as The Chipmunks, Simon.  
Why don't you tell everyone the rules of today's fight, Trevor?"

Trevor:  "Very simple, full gear is here for this one, so the breathhold 
factor isn't as big here.  Now, this should be fun.  Simon isn't exactly 
regarded as any real force down here, but he's put up against an obscure 
kid's character in his very first fight.  Very interesting indeed."

Robert:  "Very much so.  As might be expected, Lickety looks very nervous as 
we get ready to start here.  It seems that Simon has already picked up on it 
and seems to be smiling to himself under his regulator.  Think he'll take 
advantage of it?"

Trevor:  "Simon will grasp at any straw, here, Rob.  Doesn't matter if it's 
some new guy or what.  They're going for each other, but Simon is hanging 
back a bit, letting the overanxious monkey make the first attacks, dodging 
them easily.   Ow... the chipmunk just delivered a shot right under the arm!  
Painful as hell there." 

Robert:  "Absolutely.  I caught Simon reading up on acupressure as a way of 
striking out on pressure points.  And from how Lickety's shaking out his arm, 
looks like he learned his lesson well."

Trevor:  "Yeah, he swimming away some now, forcing Simon to come in at him 
now.  I just hope he doesn't plan on copying what Simon did.  By the way, why 
the hell is Lick wearing his overalls in there?  Thoughts, Rob?"

Robert:  "Well, I have heard some tale about how he plans on using them in 
this fight.  I don't see how though.  But I did see that knee connect to 
Lickety's gut!  He almost lost his reg on that!"

Trevor:  "So did everyone else.  I bet Lick did too... and now Simon has 
grappled with him... repeated knees!  Simon's trying to knock out his 
opponent's air source here, and drown him quickly... monkey in peril, folks."

Robert:  "Yeah, but I think Simon moved in too fast as Lickety just shoved 
him away.  Uh oh, I've seen that look before folks, and it does not mean good 
things for Simon.  Seems our rookie just got over his stage fright."

Trevor:  "Simon's not clueless though, and he's diving below a punch from 
Lickety, and is grabbing his ankles, and reaching to turn off his air!  No 
good, though, and Lick punches him off."

Robert:  "Simon's looking a little confused here.  This is obviously not how 
he was expecting it to go.  And now Lickety's moving in fast, fists flying.  
Simon's dodging best he can, but it looks like he's about to be cornered."

Trevor:  "Sigh... and another fight goes fatally wrong for Simon Seville, as 
monkey boy is now beating the living hell out of him.  Somehow, I don't think 
Simon's cut out for the singles division."

Robert:  "Unfortunately so.  And Lickety sure seems to be getting into this 
fight, really enjoying the beatdown he's putting on Simon."

Trevor:  "Yeah, it's always a thrill the first time you have someone's live 
at your mercy... but now, Lickety's grabbed his opponent and is picking him 
up... he's turned him around so his head is pointing down, and it looks like 
he's gonna piledrive him... wait.  He's shoving him into those overalls?!  
And now that he's stuffed him in there, he's holding him like a bearhug to 
hold him in place!  Simon's struggling hard in there."

Robert:  "No way....he's not.  Oh crap.....literally."

Trevor:  "Well, he's not crapping, sensors would tell that... this guy's no 
Ord... but he may be farting in there.  Simon's struggling is lessening..."

Robert:  "Or it may be that he's just letting his natural body odor do the 
trick.  Whatever he's doing, it's certainly effective as Simon's body goes 
limp."

Trevor:  "And there's Simon's final bubbles coming out of there, as Lickety 
releases the hold.  Look at the gleam in his eyes as he watches Simon float 
out of there, Rob..."

Robert:  "I think this monkey likes what he's done.  We've definitely got 
another good fighter here folks, and at a time of seven minutes flat, he may 
become a force to be reckoned with soon."

Trevor:  "And with that we sign off.  Have a good night, folks!"